her vagina looked like bernie madoff
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize