we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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