Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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