there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
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i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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