someone get that fucking seahorse.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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