I am in a vortex of obligation.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize