Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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