Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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