I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh god it's open bar.
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