My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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