I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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