You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize