Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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