its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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