Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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