On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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