you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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