just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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