You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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