Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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