I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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