for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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