yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize