I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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