If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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