standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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