it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize