I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize