Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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