My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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