WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
someone owes me an orgasm
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All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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