She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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