dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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