maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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