I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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