I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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