There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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