Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize