I got chris browned last night
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize