If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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