I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have post one night stand depression
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize