Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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