Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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