I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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