i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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