Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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