apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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