dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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