I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize