Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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